Saying 'Yes'
by Loobylooxxx
Summary: How Sam said 'Yes' to Lucifer. ANGST. ONE-SHOT. SAMIFER.


He said he loved me. That he cared for me. That's why I let him in. I'd been doing it for a long time before I let him in really. In the way everybody else talked about "letting him in". "Saying 'Yes'". Saying 'Yes', in the end, was easy really, he'd already been _in_ me in the only way which counted.

Lucifer. I guess I forgot that he could visit me in my dreams... Until he started to. It gave me a real fright the first time though. According to Dean, I jumped in my sleep. Made him swerve, and almost hit a van. We laughed about it later, whilst my heart was still racing over what had happened, in my head.

I sound mental. I know. But he was _there._ I could _feel _him. You don't understand how surreal it was. It was as if any scenario, anything I wanted, I could create. But he had to be there. You can't imagine where we went together. Beaches, parks, I think we even went to a zoo at one point, because he said he missed the animals... But you see, it had to be me who said 'Yes'. He couldn't have done anything otherwise.

It started off so _innocent_. I know. The Devil was innocent. But, you see, I didn't know he was the Devil at first. He was just some guy in my dreams. Some guy who was so _fucking cute! _I know, I'm shallow. So shallow I didn't even ask his name, or ask as to why he was there. I think, at first I was subconsciously scared of him. I just kind of accepted that he was there. I didn't question it. But it was a _dream! It wasn't REAL! _

And then it built up. He ended up being in every dream, and we got kind of comfortable. I wasn't as scared. I respected him, I suppose. Because it was my dream. My dreams. It was maybe 5 or 6 dreams in, when I started to wonder who he was. Because by then I knew he was real. Somewhere, somehow, he was real. Because these things don't just happen. Jesus, my life has taught me that if nothing else.

And he said, he said to me, when I asked him who he was:

"Do you really want to know? It will change everything..."

The thing you have to remember, if that this was a dream. Even though I knew he was real, I didn't think it could affect me. Not really. Just imagine, somebody telling you their name and saying it would change everything? It seems ridiculous, doesn't it? So I told him to tell me. And I was wrong. So, _so _wrong.

Just three words:

"I am Lucifer."

And even then, _even then,_ I didn't fully understand. Not until I woke up, and researched him. Lucifer. The Devil, The Fallen Angel, The Morning Star, The Light Bringer, The Most Beautiful Of All The Angels .And still, I didn't believe it. Ignored the lore, the stories of how evil he was. Even the connotations that go with the word "Devil". I couldn't think that this man, this _friend _I had come to think of him as, was the _Devil_? And so, I wasn't scared when I went to sleep.

He changed after that. Slowly, so slowly I didn't notice, it went from me respecting him, to me becoming weak. I gave in to his every command. And _willingly._ It was requests at first, "Could we see New York?", "Could we see the ocean?", which turned into "Take me to the house where your mother died." And ""Take me to the place you like the most." Because by then, I had grown to love him, to love the power he held over me, to love the routine and stability he gave me, even whilst asleep. He helped me with day to day problems when I asked, on cases, on Dean, on everything. He held me, and I came to love the chill his body gave off, even as my waking skin turned grey, and my body gave off the most jarring shivers.

I think that the power ruled our intimacy. It was amazing. I remember our first kiss. He was in his true form; he showed it to me some time after he revealed his identity. Gorgeous. His wings had a freaking 15 foot wing span for Christ's sake! I had asked him why he was here. I mean, he was an _angel, _for crying out loud. Why was he spending 6, 7 hours a night with me? He looked at me for the longest time, and then told me. I was his vessel. I mean, what do you do when an angel tells you that? So I just, kind of, stood there. I'm pretty sure my mouth was hanging open and everything.

He told me in this really quiet voice to come to him, we were both sat on these white leather sofas at the time, across from each other. He was lying back on his, his wings were squashed into the sofa, and I remember as I stood up, and kneeled in front of him, thinking that his wings must hurt an awful lot in that position.

He rolled over onto his front, his wings rising up and stretching, as a cat would do with its' tail, and his head was level with mine. And he looked at me with those eyes, those eyes which seemed to go on forever. Light blue waves that seemed to have no beginning or end. I was so lost in them. And out of the blue, he gripped my chin and pulled his head towards mine, our foreheads leaning together. His breath on my face, it was deliciously sweet. And our lips ghosted together, so beautifully, so unlike what he would be like in the future.

It was never the same after that. It grew rougher, I mean, it wasn't _bad_ at first. But soon he just took what he wanted whenever he wanted it. I would never begrudge him that. I still wouldn't. Because that is... _was_ how our relationship was.

I wouldn't describe it as _abusive_, as such. That's how Dean described it as when I told him eventually. He said I was being bullied into things I didn't want to do. He didn't understand how it was. I didn't even tell him the _tamer _things he did to me. That we did together. _That _became my normal, I know, how fucked up. My normal became a relationship in my dreams. But then he wanted more. I suppose we both wanted more. He asked me, when we were lying in bed, his wings trailing patterns down my spine as I lay on his chest, he asked me when we could meet in real life.

I remember being so shocked, he hadn't _asked _me anything for months by that point, he just _did. _I do think now, that this had a special significance to it, because it was real. Any pain, any indignity, and insult he gave to me, it was in my dreams, and it never hurt in the morning. I was happy with it. With our relationship. But I said 'Yes', because that was what I said. That was my line. We arranged a meeting point.

I didn't take Dean. I was going to meet, quite literally, the man of my dreams, why would I want my brother with me? By this point it didn't matter that he was the Devil, he was mine. Or more specifically, I was his. I had never said 'No', not even in my dreams, not even when he branded me, or whipped me, or left me just waiting for release for hours... I justified it by saying that he was doing it for us, a bit of entertainment perhaps. I don't know why now.

So when we met for the first time it was habit. I couldn't stop saying 'Yes' and start saying 'No'. It wasn't how our relationship worked. He did ask me the first time we has sex in real life though. In a dirty motel, the same one Dean and I had recently stayed in actually. It was quick. It was rushed really. I think he just wanted it over with, this first time in real life, so we could move onto the things he preferred.It was different from in my dreams though. More real. I didn't ache in my dreams, I think because he couldn't zap straight out of there when he was done, he had to stay. Not in real life though. It hurt. Whilst there was the physical ache which I hadn't felt before, there was more of an emotional one. Because in my dreams, he stayed until I woke up.

That night I slept through without a single dream. I cried when I woke up, and Dean didn't understand what was wrong. I don't suppose he could even if I had explained it to him. He thought that it was evil. That I was being tricked into something. That I was stupid by saying 'Yes' every time. He didn't want to hear about it, not really. So he stopped asking, and I stopped telling. The looks he gave me sometimes when I woke up though... Disgusted by me. I think those were the times I was screaming in my dreams. Maybe I made noises he could hear. Either way, he didn't like it. By then, he had been told that he was to be Michael's vessel, I prayed to Lucifer for another meeting, to tell him. I guess I didn't see it as betraying my brother; it was more helping out my lover, as he had done so many times to me. That's how it was you see. He helped me.

He blew all of the windows out of the motel when he heard. He was so angry. It got so cold, and his eyes... They burnt blood red. It wasn't really his fault, he was frustrated... But the pain... It was the worst feeling I have ever, or _will _ever feel in my entire life. There is no comparison which will ever let you understand how that felt. It doesn't matter really. He didn't mean it.

It was then that he started to make plans for us. For us to become one. And it was so _easy, _just to agree, and nod and smile and _make him happy!_ I suppose it had become my main focus in life, pleasing him. It was different when he came to me in sleep. I had a life outside of him, I worked cases, and I talked to Dean. But when he stopped coming at night... I suppose I became obsessed. I prayed to him constantly. Dean begged me to stop when he found out who I was meeting. To break it off. To leave him. I couldn't! He loved me! So when he asked me, even when Dean begged me not to. Even when _Bobby_ begged me not to, I agreed. I said 'Yes'. Because what else could I say? We belonged together...

I still believe that Lucifer loved me. That he still does love me, even from down in the Cage. The Cage... It changes people. What he did to me down there... It wasn't him. _It wasn't!_ Not really. I know you don't believe me. Dean doesn't. He changes the subject every time I try to talk about him. "That's in the past now." That's how I knew that my "hallucinations" weren't real. Because my Lucifer would never have been that... _Uncaring. Unfeeling. _My Lucifer loved me. He's coming for me. I know it. Because I am his vessel and we are meant to be.

Dean knows about this. He tells me I'm delusional. That he's not coming, that he's in the Cage, and he's never coming out. That I shouldn't worry about it. He's wrong though. I'm not worried. And even if, and it's a small if, even if he can't come out, he is trapped in the Cage, when I die that's where I'll end up anyway. So now it's a waiting game. Does Lucifer come to me, or do I go to him?


End file.
